A Brief Review Of How This Year’s Election Race Looks From The Cheap Seats

It’s either the speed of the turnaround, my laziness as a blogger, or a healthy combination of the two that’s kept me from speaking on the Election of ’08 for this long. Without rehashing more than to say predicting the twists and turns of percentage points seems to have been a largely futile effort with lots of surprises, we’ll now take a quick review-type look at the candidates so far:

‘I’m onto you, bitch’Among the Democrats, the Clinton political machine powers onward, never saying die, fighting tooth and nail and viciously putting Hillary in a position to take the nomination. This may or may not help her in the general election, a place I predicted she’ll do somewhat poorly in. Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s shot has suddenly become a lot less outside. Despite second place in the past few primaries, he’s still rolling off momentum since Iowa essentially proved a state about as ethnically diverse as the Osmond family would vote for him. And the last major test before Superduperwhateverthefucktyduckeveryonesfuckingcallingit Why we even havin’ a trial?Tuesday is South Carolina. This is a state which, in case you haven’t been near a television in the past 72 hours, still has a lot of black voters. John Edwards, in the meantime, is still clinging to the hope that the South will save him despite the fact that the South hated him to begin with, which is why we sent him to Washington. Still has great TV hair, though.

On the Republican side, John McCain has managed to re-emerge as a viable contender despite having stripped his campaign down to five ex-Grit distributors and a puppy named Scraps last summer. Mitt Romney is firmly entrenched among voters who shop for clothes at Old Navy, and Mike Huckabee among those shopping at Wal-Mart. I know this, there’s an Old Navy across the street from a Wal-Mart near here, and I counted bumper stickers. Completely scientific.Bumber Stickers Fred Thompson has somehow either forgotten to drop from the race, as far as I know, or else just napped through all his TV time this week. If he’s still around by Florida, it could make something of a difference. He’s sucking votes from Huckabee AND Romney at the moment. Then there’s Giuliani’s ‘I have not yet begun to fight’ tactic, which is either brilliant or senile. I invite imput on that one, I’m stumped.

The field is whittling down, and I think perhaps by Fuck Tuesday (that’s a shorter and better name for it, I submit) I’ll only have two possible people to profile. This will save me a lot of work. Still, I’ve a got an assload of announcements coming up this week concerning Memetic Press, After, and the city of San Francisco.

Out for now…

– Paris “Rev” Battle