The Last Gasp Of Greatness?

For everyones enjoyment, I’d like to present a bite-sized serving of funny.  Following that, I will proceed to gloriously over-think the implications of Mr. Stanhope’s astute observations.  But first, Doug Stanhope:

Don’t you hate when someone else puts something into words that you’ve been trying to express your whole life?  I happen to be just PAST partying age, among the last Americans born in the 1970’s, and I’ve been torturously wondering if it was really just me getting old, or if the kids really WERE getting more and more lame.  We already know they’re getting more clueless, but that’s not really their fault (maybe).  But surely they couldn’t be growing LESS rambunctious, could they?  That didn’t make sense.

ABOVE: THE 70’s

But Stanhope nailed it.  He provided the missing link to my aged dilemma.  When I was a young and growing Reagan Baby, I brought out the grump in my parental generation with NWA, Iron Maiden, and anything else that could be played at volumes GUARANTEED to fuck up our hearing later in life.  There were films that got personally denounced by the Pope, and musical groups whose entire careers HINGED on the legal trouble they produced just by saying some shit on a record.  What’s the “edgiest” thing young people are into today?  Emo?  Is that even still around?  What the FUCK?

Where are the teenagers I can be ANGRY at, instead of just feeling sorry for?  Where’s the Beastie Boys I can feel my blood pressure spiking over when it blasts out of a car window?  I want some young’ns I’d be PROUD to chase off my lawn with a shotgun, but these dipshits don’t even know which end of the spray can the paint comes out of.  It’s not enough to say they don’t care anymore.  Every generation since the 60’s has made it a point not to give a shit about the things the last generation did.  THESE assholes wouldn’t even know what to care ABOUT.  And if they ever tried, they’d probably only end up making feeble attempts to mimic the issues, themes, and genres of their elders, just like they do with their music.

IT WAS CALLED STAR SEARCH, WE INVENTED IT, AND IT SUCKED THEN TOO.

The terrible conclusion I draw from all this is very similar to what Stanhope alluded to.  Perhaps an end or reversal of the cycle of perpetual deviance represents the bottoming out of the soul market, if you will.  This could well be a significant sign of declining culture.  I have to wonder at what point some Roman generation or another looked at their children, sighed, and started complaining in the opposite direction?

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE PUNK.  I HAD ALREADY KILLED THREE GAULS AND FUCKED EVERY SLAVE IN THE HOUSE AT HIS AGE.  WHAT A FAG.

In the interest of providing a possible light to the end of this depressingly sobering tunnel, I’d like to explore an opposing hypothesis.  Perhaps this process is less linear than cyclical.  Perhaps pussification in Western society simply skips a generation, through mechanisms not yet fully understood.  It would make a certain degree of sense if you think about it broadly enough.  It could be said the WWII generation were shocked by their Baby Boomer children’s “deviancy”, but the impression I get is that those complaints were immediately followed by a sneering of the “soft” label on top of it.  After all, that was a generation that got all their youthful aggression and toil out in a five year period of either killing the shit out of people they’d never met, or working in a factory to build shit to kill people they’d never met.  If those were YOUR formative years, would you really be shocked and appalled at hippies for children, or just generally disgusted?  It COULD be that the majority of parental outrage that existed that time period had quite a different character than what’s been related to us.  I’m just saying.

WOULD THESE ASSHOLES REALLY CONCERN YOU IF YOU’D BEEN KNEE-DEEP IN SHIT AND BLOOD AT BASTOGNE?

Now, I’m a long way from claiming that my generation had to endure anything like a Depression and a World War, but with a lack of that we damn sure seemed to turn our destructive tendencies outward in a PLETHORA of creative ways.  The government was actively declaring a War On Fun from both sides, and that lasted pretty much through 9-11.  Today, most of the bullshit rules trying to curb the excess of the Reagan Babies are so indoctrinated people think it’s always been that way.  I’m one of the last Americans who remember a time before police acted like the military, when America looked across the vast sea and pretty much counted on doomsday at any minute, when there was FROM BIRTH a sense of imminent destruction and nothing left to do but blow your fucking mind out on whatever drugs you could find (or invent) and ride the wave into oblivion.  If it wasn’t gong to come from the Soviets (in the 80’s), it was gonna come from somewhere, dammit (90’s to the millennium).

ABOVE: THE 80’s

So maybe once every few generation the progress is going to kick out a softening up level of pansy to pad the flow of time.  Maybe evolution knows something we don’t, and that inserting a recessive nutless gene keeps the constant progression of badassery from ripping civilization off it’s hinges.  Maybe the CHILDREN of the current crop of dickcheeses will be so fed-up with Mommy and Daddy’s entitlement-minded Ritalin and Prozac rattled brainpans, they’ll LONG to see some ass kicking again.  Maybe, with careful guidance from their crazy-as-fuck grandparents and great uncles and shit, they’ll embark on a magnificent quest to make this country FUN again.  Parental advisories will be pissed on, cigarettes will be fired up indoors, and PG movies will show tits again!  Maybe…

That would be morning in America AND change I could believe in.

So to any unborn fetuses out there that aren’t being dosed with a lethal amount of sedatives because your mother is an idiot, and can one day grow to read this… Listen to your old people.  We’ll be in our fifties and sixties when you come of age.  Know this… the world wasn’t always this boring.  We can show you a different way.

Out for now…

– Paris ‘Rev Battle

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